I know I haven't blogged in a long time, but I really need to vent today and since I'm at school with no familar faces who might possibly be able to relate to my situation, I thought blogging might do the trick.
I started my nursing lab today... from 8 to noon every Thursday I will be learning all the essential skills necessary for me to pass my boards and become a competent nurse. I have to tell you that it scared me shitless. There is so much information and so much homework... not to mention finding time to make it to open lab to practice before testing out in front of a TA. Today our tasks were proper handwashing (got it), temp taking (got it), respiratory rate (never got to try), and practicing using our new stethoscopes and blood pressure cuffs. I couldn't even find a pulse on my partners skinny little arm! Then we went in to the simulation lab (think Monsters Inc.) and I couldn't even find a pulse on the simulation dummy! I could feel my heart start pounding out of my chest and knew I was freaking out. How the hell am I going to get through this? And why the hell am I putting myself through this?! I could be working in a normal cubicle environment collecting my extra widow money from our govt and coming home at night to sit on the couch and hang out with Brandon. Instead I race to school, study every spare moment between classes, race to Kickboxing, race home and throw dinner together with whatever happens to be around (last night we had hamburger, onions, tomato paste, diced tomatoes and tomato sauce over Kraft Easy Mac and Cheese -- pretty inventive, huh?). I talk to Brandon while we eat, and then off to my bedroom to study some more. When I'm not studying and actually doing something enjoyable like hanging with family/friends, I am feeling guilty for not studying or getting my house clean. I am so far behind in stuff... I have a sympathy card to send -- the person died on Christmas Eve! ... I still have a handful of Christmas cards to send out... I need to send a thank you card to the nurse I shadowed over break in the first week of January... anyway, you get the idea.
And the junior and senior nursing students and profs keep telling us that it is just going to get harder...
If I get through this in one piece it is going to be a miracle...
